Reflections on a Subpar Year (Part 1): Points of Failure

Hello Funny People,

The ebbing of any year always puts me in a pensive mood. When life slows down a little during the holiday season, it gives one time to reflect. Yet, it's always the years in which I feel I've fallen short where I find myself in a more deeply meditative state. 2024, as it turned out, was one such year.

The two main goals, both of which I failed at abysmally, were to a) finish another novel (only one, as a way of keeping my expectations manageable), and b) to entice an agent in my fantasy novel through the querying process. Again, at both of these, I failed. However, with a slightly clearer frame of mind, removed from some of the initial malaise of last month, I see now why I've failed at these. Let me explain.

A) Why I Failed To Finish Another Novel

I began this year with the full intention of completing one novel. After the previous year's speed run through not one, but two sizeable books, I thought it unreasonable to expect myself to keep to that pace. However, what I failed to take into account was how detrimental the querying process would be on mu progress.

I had a small inkling that this was the case, in fact, from last year. While I was writing my Wizard of Earthsea × Naruto coming of age fantasy, I tried querying my fantasy novel. And it slowed up my progress. The anxiety of getting that next no, not good enough, not Interested kept me from.making progress. So, I did tve only sensible thing and stopped so I could finish the book. Not only did I finish it, but I completed a draft in roughly six months. 

In my hurbris, I thought that this go-around, I could avoid that. I thought I was tougher. I thought, with three completed manuscripts under my belt, I could handle the rejection. But even my short story submission training hadn't prepared me for the grinding down that querying put me through. And as a result my progress on the portal fantasy suffered to the point of standstill on several occasions. 

All I could think when I began writing another chapter was, "Agents won't take this. It's a waste of time. Writing is a waste of time. You're an idiot for trying, Ian. Stop embarrassing yourself." What I need more than anything as a writer is peace of mind; without it, my work suffers. And I failed to take into account how badly the process was affecting my peace of mind.

It was only once I stopped querying, gave it up for the time being, that I finally began making headway again, that I finally began seeing the merit in what I was writing again. Once that pressure was gone, I could work more steadily and easily. And in October, I managed to produce a NaNoWriMo sized portion of a manuscript. Not a finished one, but enough of one that I thought, maybe, I can still do this.

Going forward, I simply need to keep in mind that I cannot query a novel and draft a novel at the same time. If I try, one or the other suffers. I can always give up querying. But if I can't write, my mind ends up turning on me and that way lies misery.

B) Why I Failed to Entice An Agent

The truth is that should've kept my goals lower on this one.

My actual goal should've been something closer to Query 100 Agents, or Recieve 100 Query Rejections. In other words, from the start with this was a fruitless pursuit, set up for disappointment. Why? Because it was reliant upon an outcome that was out of my control. 

I couldn't just magically will an agent, thousands of miles from me, to give me an offer of representation or even just to request a full. And, despite my better judgement, despite my experience with these things, despite mg knowing better, I did that to myself.

To another point, my query package for my fantasy novel probably wasn't as good as it could've been at the start of this process. They don't teach you these things in workshops or creative writing classes, so I was semi-flying in the dark. I've learned better and I've tried to refine my stuff since then, and I think it's improved. 

In the end, I did manage to entice one agent into a full back in July, who turned it down, but did express interest if I could revise it. So, the effort wasn't completely wasted. 

C) Resolutions For The Coming Days

While I'm reluctant to espouse my plans (announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh, after all), I will commit to two things.

1) Finish my two in progress novels

Both books will need a lot of rewriting and revision, which will probably take several months apiece, as that's a much slower process. But even before I get to that, I'll need to let them rest so I can read them afresh when I decide they're ready for the revision queue. That said, I'm determined to see them completely drafted.

2) Edit My Fantasy Novel Again with a Pro's Help

This process is already in motion. I hired my friend, Gabriel Hargrave, to do two rounds of edits with me early next year. The manuscript is already with him. So, as I work to complete my two in progress novels, he'll be reading through my manuscript to find things that I can perhaps edit and improve. Once we do that, I plan to send this novel back to the one agent who expressed interest in it, in the hopes that, maybe, I can revive that interest.

3) The Next Time I Query (Which Won't Be For a While) to Keep my Expectations in Check

This, I think requires little.more explanation.

2024 might not have been the great success I'd hoped it would be, but even from.negative experience one can derive wisdom from which to profit in the future. Here's hoping I remeber that truth going forward.

— IMC 🙃